dad unmasked

“Friends” on Facebook have motivated me to write what’s on my mind. I’d rather say what I have to say here instead of FB. Also, Twitter and their damned 140 character limit is not enough. Several of my “friends” are fortunate enough to have a FB page to post their disdain and hatred for the President of the United States. They use policies of the current administration to mask their true hatred of the President. I am WAY old enough to remember when Clinton was in office and I do not recall such hatred towards him just because he was a Democrat. He had some of the same rhetoric as Obama and he is still a HUGE influence in the Democratic party. I’m NPA (No Party Affiliation) just in case you were assuming, I think for myself. Obama won a 2nd term and I know that it is “scary” that a man of color is the Commander in Chief of the United States. I, too, am still amazed that a man of color is the President for not one, but two terms. It’s time to get over it and MOVE ON.

I am also amazed that very few people, especially the media, still continue to portray successful black men in such a biased way. Far before Obama was elected, most of the so called “successful”  black men were “ballers”, aka. professional athletes. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Walter Payton, Kobe Bryant and many others were considered “great” not because of their intelligence but because of their athletic abilities. White folks paid them BIG money to “perform.” Jump, leap, perform to do what they can do best because that’s what black men do. Dance, smile, run, jump and entertain. Unfortunately, black folks bought into this idea as well. In order to be successful in this country, one must be an athlete. An entertainer for the masses. Use your body instead of you brain to be successful. If you can’t get an athletic scholarship, you can’t get into college.

Hold the phone. This is where I call BULLSHIT.

I have to use myself for this example but I am sure there are hundreds of thousands of black men today  that are successful are not athletes. I am not an athlete even though I love sports. I am not 6’4″ and I cannot run very fast. I cannot dunk a basketball unless it’s the one for little kids that’s made of plastic.  I cannot tackle a 300 lb man unless I use my truck. But you know what, I fought in a war, put myself through college, bought a house and have 2 great kids and a very cool job. I consider myself a successful, 5’6″ black man whether society and mainstream media wants to acknowledge me and so many like me or not.  There will be a day that intelligent black men like me will be acknowledged and appreciated. Until then, I will continue to do the best that I can.

Shuck and jive. Whatever.

I haven’t written a blog post in a LONG time but during that time, I have been told that I am a good writer, designer and father. Good writer? Maybe. Designer? Hell yes. Father? I hope so but I constantly doubt myself. I was recently away from my daughters for 2 weeks and I missed them a bunch. Thanks to FaceTime, I was able to talk to them a few times when I was away. When I got back, I received lots of hugs and kisses from my girls and many “I missed you Daddy!” My father was around when I was a kid but not emotionally “around” for me. I choose to be there for my kids emotionally as well as physically. I try to be there for them on every occasion.  I really hope that my kids appreciate me for trying to be a good father. But I have to admit, I’m winging it.

In no particular order…

1. A Lamborghini Sesto Elemento. This ride is sexy as hell.
2. A kegerator. Why? Because I love beer.
3. To meet the oh so lovely @themommytsunami. In person.
4. For my daughters to stop growing up so fast. I really don’t like teenagers very much.
5. For the Jacksons to not go on tour. So exactly what’s the deal with Jermaine’s hair? Or is that shoe polish…
6. For someone to finally give “it” to Rihanna.” I’m tired of hearing of that same line in every one of her songs.
7. The power of flight. You know. Sometimes you want to get away. Fast.
8. $6.25 millions dollars. Yes. $6.25 mil is the magic number.
9. A house in Jamaica with a helipad. I think I’d need a helicopter too.
10. Sanity. For everyone.

So Dads, what’s on your Fantasy Father’s Day List

So I guess I’m back “on the market” because I have truly moved on from my previous marriage and I believe I am ready to pursue a relationship with another woman. I am not looking to get married again, but female companionship would be pretty cool right about now. I have to admit though, I despise dating. I never liked it even when I was younger and before I was married. Here are the top 5 reasons why I dislike dating…especially in the 21st century.

5. Getting to Know You.  I dislike the “getting to know you” phase. I am no longer a mysterious man. I went through the wanna-Prince phase in high school. I will let a woman know who I am on the first date. I have nothing to hide. OK. Maybe a few gray hairs here and there but I’m also not saying a lady needs to show me everything on the first date either. I have a good imagination. I’ll figure out what she’s hiding. I know what shapewear is now.

4. Cliche Dating Profiles. Walks on the beach? Reading a good book by candlelight? Gazing into your dates eyes? Please. No one does that and it’s usually found out quite quickly on the 1st phone call.

3. Smoke and Mirrors (aka Online Pics): a visual misrepresentation of what you look like. I know…I know. It’s not on the outside it’s what on the inside…blah, blah blah. Let’s be real here. Men are visual creatures. There is no denying that. We all, including myself, have our own self perceived notions of what we think we look like to others. In my mind, I feel like I’m 6’3″, 210 lbs, muscular with a full head of hair. In reality, I’m 5′ 6″ tall, 43 year old man with a thin, semi muscular body and a balding head. (But I ‘m a wannabe superhero so it’s OK to think this so there’s that). Now, why in the hell would I set anyone up , especially a potential future companion, to believe I am something else? My point is, I dislike lying, dishonesty or misperception, unintentional or not. There are too many people out there in the “dating pool” being deceiving.

2. My Kids: My daughters are my world and I have to…no, I must lead by example. I refuse to have a revolving door of relationships with random women and subject my kids to that. I want my kids to know that relationships between 2 people can be healthy and monagamous. My kids have dealt with the breakup of their mom and dad and I don’t want them to have to deal with it again. At least not during their childhood. I don’t want to see a different woman every other week. Wait. That’s why I got married… Anyway…

1. Me and My Ways: Please see #5. I am the most honest person anyone would ever know. I’m 43 years old and pretty set in my ways. I like beer, fishing and comic books. I like to laugh and tell jokes. I’m silly yet responsible. I have 2 beautiful girls and do not want anymore kids even though I think kids are awesome. I want to be one again. Sometimes. There isn’t much of me that is going to change. However, I think I am an awesome dude that can rock a special lady’s world again someday.

I am DadUmasked, I am a grown man (believe it or not) and I approve this blog post.

Peace and hyperspace.

…in no particular order.

1. My 2 daughters. They keep me in check and give me a reason to keep on going when life starts kicking my ass. They are my kryptonite.
2. My job. I am very fortunate to even have one again after being laid off.
3. My close friends that are there for me.
4. My family for being non-judgemental of me over the years.
5. Apple. My entire career has been inspired and shaped by this incredible company for the past 17 years.
6. My Mom for being able to maintain a good balance of being my parent and good friend.
7. My health thus far. So far good so good. Well according to my doc. *turns head and coughs*
8. Feeling free of any anger, hate or guilt that I might have felt over the years.
9. Beer. Because it’s SO good. That’s why.
10. Technology. Without it, you wouldn’t be reading this.

What are you thankful for?

About a month ago, my oldest daughter, S, and I were watching a show on skydiving. I told her that I wanted to skydive one day and she quickly said that she did too. Well, I am pretty sure there are laws against throwing 9 year olds out of planes so I researched indoor skydiving. I found a place in town and told my daughter about it. She was very excited and told me that’s what she wanted to do for her birthday. So we did.

From the time we got to the facility, until the time we left, my daughter could not stop smiling.  After a brief training demo, we suited up and lined up in the flight tube for our first flight. When S was next in line, I asked her if she wanted me to go first. She looked up at me, smiled brightly and shook her head “no.”  At that moment, I felt that I was doing something right. This kid was fearless. She flew like the superhero that I always wanted to be. That day, she was MY superhero with no strings attached.

9 years ago today, my first baby girl was born. It was a day I will never forget. My special message to her is this:

Sweetie,

Not only are you beautiful, intelligent and gifted, you are MY daughter. You mean so much to me and I am so proud that you are here with me.

Happy Birthday and I love you,

Daddy

Since it’s football season and I already have 2 fantasy football teams, I have decided to come with a fantasy dating profile.

I have signed up with a couple of dating sites and after 6 months, no dates. (Cue the violins). I guess I have been out of the dating game for too long, but I just don’t get it. I see some of the things that ladies are looking for and I’m like really? What world is it that they live in? Where is this perfect 6’4″, single, 6 figure making dude they are looking for? Will they find him online? It baffles me on what people are expecting and looking for. It’s like a fantasy world. So, with this, I have developed my own fantasy dating profile. It is based on MY reality. This is why it’s a fantasy profile, because what I’ve seen online is nothing but fantasies. So please read on.

My Self Summary: I’m a 43 year old divorced, single father of 2 awesome girls. I am 5’6″ in height and I am taller than my mom, sister, my kids and most 11 year olds so that’s all that matters to me right now. I am slender and am without a beer gut so far. I’m working on it though. I don’t make six figures. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this. I’d be in Vegas spending that so called “disposable income.” I own a house that is not a mansion but I take care of it and clean it. A lot.

I’m Really Good At: Print and web design. Been doing it for 15 years and some people really like it.  At least the ones that pay me for it. Also good at mowing the lawn and pouring a beer without a foamy head. I can cook really well and can scrub the hell out of a toilet if motivated and appreciated (not while cooking btw). But I’d rather just pick up some chicken wings and some brew and call it an evening. Oh, I KILL at Tekken and Mortal Kombat (the video games, for my older readers. Haha!)

The First Thing People Notice About Me: Probably my bald head. It’s shiny sometimes.

Favorite movies, books, shows, music and food: Movies: Bad Boys 1 and 2 and anything with very little crying and sobbing. Book: EyePad  Show: The Parenthood Music: Electronica, R&B, Dance, Old School Hip Hop Food: Chicken Wings. HOT chicken wings.

I spend a lot of time thinking about: How in the hell did I get here and what the hell is going on…and why is Lil’ Wayne rich??…

I’m looking for: Normalcy. And Bigfoot or Sasquatch. Wait. The hunt for Bigfoot is a totally different topic. I can go there though.

This is my fantasy dating profile and I approve this post. It’s all a fantasy!

Being divorced, I don’t get to see my kids everyday. I struggled with this for a very long time. It’s been over 2 years of being single again and at times, I do have somewhat of a hard time not seeing my kids on a daily basis. It’s gotten better over time, but when I get really bored, I miss them. A lot. They are changing and growing so fast and I feel like I’m missing something if I don’t see them for a few days out of the week. But it could be worse. Some dads only get to see their kids once a week, month or year. I have to endure 3 days. It’s like when they are not with me, it feels like I am no longer a father for a few days. Like it was a part-time gig and the only time I have any influence on their well being is when they are with me.

But then again, I look at it like this, when I am with them, I am their father. When they are not with me, I am still their father. I think about them, worry about them and and love them just as if they were with me everyday. This, to me, sounds like ALL of the time. Full-time. Full-time Dad.

What do you think? Am I a part-time dad?

This journey I’m on, this life I live as a man and a father, has taught me to never say never.

This is why. I never thought…

1. … I’d be a father. Let alone a father to 2 awesome, sweet, beautiful girls.
2. …Being a fathers at times, is extremely difficult. As my kids grow, parenting becomes even more challenging.
3. … I’d be 40 something. WTF is up with that?
4. … I’d be divorced at 40 something. Again, WTF is up with that?
5. … I’d ever be unemployed. I’ve been working since I was 16 years old and never been without a job. I was recently laid off but was able to get another job fairly quickly.
6. … Watch a movie about Justin Bieber with one of my daughters. Refer to #1.

Like the Beav says, Never Say Never.