Since it’s football season and I already have 2 fantasy football teams, I have decided to come with a fantasy dating profile.
I have signed up with a couple of dating sites and after 6 months, no dates. (Cue the violins). I guess I have been out of the dating game for too long, but I just don’t get it. I see some of the things that ladies are looking for and I’m like really? What world is it that they live in? Where is this perfect 6′4″, single, 6 figure making dude they are looking for? Will they find him online? It baffles me on what people are expecting and looking for. It’s like a fantasy world. So, with this, I have developed my own fantasy dating profile. It is based on MY reality. This is why it’s a fantasy profile, because what I’ve seen online is nothing but fantasies. So please read on.
My Self Summary: I’m a 43 year old divorced, single father of 2 awesome girls. I am 5′6″ in height and I am taller than my mom, sister, my kids and most 11 year olds so that’s all that matters to me right now. I am slender and am without a beer gut so far. I’m working on it though. I don’t make six figures. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this. I’d be in Vegas spending that so called “disposable income.” I own a house that is not a mansion but I take care of it and clean it. A lot.
I’m Really Good At: Print and web design. Been doing it for 15 years and some people really like it. At least the ones that pay me for it. Also good at mowing the lawn and pouring a beer without a foamy head. I can cook really well and can scrub the hell out of a toilet if motivated and appreciated (not while cooking btw). But I’d rather just pick up some chicken wings and some brew and call it an evening. Oh, I KILL at Tekken and Mortal Kombat (the video games, for my older readers. Haha!)
The First Thing People Notice About Me: Probably my bald head. It’s shiny sometimes.
Favorite movies, books, shows, music and food: Movies: Bad Boys 1 and 2 and anything with very little crying and sobbing. Book: EyePad Show: The Parenthood Music: Electronica, R&B, Dance, Old School Hip Hop Food: Chicken Wings. HOT chicken wings.
I spend a lot of time thinking about: How in the hell did I get here and what the hell is going on…and why is Lil’ Wayne rich??…
I’m looking for: Normalcy. And Bigfoot or Sasquatch. Wait. The hunt for Bigfoot is a totally different topic. I can go there though.
This is my fantasy dating profile and I approve this post. It’s all a fantasy!
December 18th, 2011 on 4:50 pm
OMG this is great! Trust me when I tell you that men are as bad as women. They want someone my age with a supermodel body (despite having had kids) that wants to flounce around in a mini skirt. I’m way more comfy in a hoodie and jeans screaming at the TV watching a good football game. Supermodel? hell no, curves. Not fat (when this chick says its a few extra pounds the emphasis is on FEW).
I may have to do this now that I’m back in the dating pool yet again.