a daily dose of a dad, geek and wannabe superhero
The little baby you see here is not a baby anymore.
She is 8 years old today!
I cannot believe my baby girl is 8. She is growing up fast and is so smart and mature. She’s my first baby girl and I love her so much. I am so proud to be the father of such a wonderful girl.
Happy Birthday Sweetie! Daddy loves you.
8 I said!
No, not my job. Tobacco products. In particular, cigars. Oh how I loved smoking my cigars. It was my “thing.” My one escape from the world and it’s relentless pressures. My cigar habits were not the expensive Cuban kind, but the corner store, poor man’s cigars. As not to promote nor advertise, I shall refer to them as the Whack and Wilds. I used to enjoy at least one Whack and Wild a day. But when shit hit the fan last year, I was blazing through 5 a day. I won’t lie like Mr. Bill. I inhaled from time to time. It was awesome as any addicted tobacco user would admit to.
Anyway, I knew of all the health risks…yada yada. But I used other things going on in my life as an excuse to keep smoking Whack and Wild’s. Yes, my kids knew I smoked Whack and Wild’s and they hated it. I would sit on the patio and make them stay in the house. I did not like doing that but I did not want them exposed to the smoke.
So what made me stop the Whack and Wild’s? First and foremost, me. I want to be a better me. Secondly, my youngest N, yelled at me last week. I was out on the patio enjoying a Whack and Wild when she called for me. I walked in and she yelled, “Daddy, when are you going to stop smoking?!?” It hit me. She was really pissed off.
It’ll be 7 days this Saturday since I had a Whack and Wild. I am doing great. I feel awesome and I can smell bear shit a mile away. I’ll be getting back in the gym as well. Also, in the last 7 days, I have saved almost $30. That’s about $120 a month I was spending to kill myself with the Whack and Wild’s.
I’d rather take that cash to spend on my mid-life crisis.
Vroom. Vroom.
THIS is why I enjoy being a dad. My oldest, S, gave me a few early Father’s Day gifts. Go ahead. Grab a Kleenex. I did.
It’s amazing. As I write this, my “father” is STILL calling and texting me. For what? Money. At this point I don’t even answer or respond anymore. It’s not even worth it. No matter how many times I tell him that I can no longer send him money, he still calls and begs. For awhile, I was sending him money once a month, but now that I am divorced and trying to survive on my own I cannot. He will never understand that. Why? Because he is a knucklehead. Wait. Let’s rewind 25 + years to see how all of this came to be.
My “father” was at one point, a very talented hair stylist with a a very prosperous business in NY and then in FL. He was such a good hair stylist that his clients ignored him when he berated them. I used to sit in a chair at the salon and watch. Let’s not even get into me being the guinea pig for the Jheri Curl. Hence, my current bald head.
Before this, at some point, he married a beautiful woman (my mom) and had 2 kids. BUT that wasn’t good enough. Business was good, but he needed MORE money. From the age of 4 to 12, the only memories I have with my “father” is working in the salon or with his greyhound kennel raising venture. By the time I was 12, my “father” got into trouble with the law for trying to make “big money.” BTW, my “father” is Jamaican and was a naturalized citizen. I think. His citizenship was revoked and he was to be deported. No need to get into those details because they are blurry to me anyway. Again, this was 25 + years ago.
Anyway, my parents soon divorced and my mom remarried. I went to live with her and her new husband. He was cool and actually paid attention to me and he had cable. This was the 80’s. Cable was hot. Skinimax. Enough said.
Over the years, I had little contact with my “father” other than him calling me to see if I had money to help him out with his salon’s light bill or rent or various other things. I sent what I could, but once I went into the military, we really lost touch. I was very busy working, partying and defending my country and partying some more. Trying to find my own way into manhood. Not long after my eating sand in the desert days, my mom divorced for a second time. Awesome. BTW, my “father” was supposed to be deported by now, but he dodged the bullet once again. This is around 1991.
Fast forward to 1997. I graduate from college (on my own dime. My “father” fucked up my college money years ago with his legal expenses.) I landed my first design job 3 months before I graduate and my “father” has the nerve to attend my graduation and ask me, “So boy, how much money you making now?” My response? “Enough to take care of myself.” I wanted to say “Fuck you.” But I felt obligated by blood to say otherwise.
Fast forward to 2001. I get married and by 2005, I have 2 beautiful little girls. Between 1997 and 2005, I had very little contact with my “father” other than sending him money because he was always in “dire straits.”
Suddenly it’s 2008 and I find out that my “father” gets deported back to his home country for his “transgressions” 25+ years ago. Homeland Security is a bitch. I am not upset nor angered but somewhat relieved. Maybe he would leave me alone with the money requests. But wait. Hell no. Prepaid cell phones. He has one and he uses it like a lethal weapon. The endless calls and texting are mind numbing. He calls to ask about my kids but then it turns to “I am sick and dying and need money.” Sadly, he cannot even remember their names. He met my now 5 year old when she was 10 months old for like 5 minutes and had to leave for “business.” Both of my kids have no clue who he is.
So just today, he texts me once again for the 6th time this week, to ask me for money. At the end of the text, he says, I love you. WHAAAATTTT???????? He has NEVER EVER told me that he loved me in all of my 41 years. I respond via text that I can’t afford to send him any cash now. His text response back was: “If I had a choice, I would never ask your dead ass for anything, if I could help it!” Thanks “Dad.”
So with that, my Happy Father’s Day message to my “father” is, “Happy Father’s Day, thanks for teaching me to be the type of Dad NOT to be.”
Peace be with you old man. I’ll be busy trying to be the father you never were.
…there was a young Jedi. The Force was strong in him back in the day.
My 5 yo came home today and surprised me with this song. After all of these years, I never knew of the Florida Alphabet song. Please note. There is no video, just audio. The end got cut off because the producer messed up (me) and the singer was tired after the 5th take. Turn up the volume and enjoy.
5 years ago today, I welcomed my 2nd beautiful angel, N, into this world. I remember it vividly when I got to hold her for the first time. This is just a quick post to say Happy Birthday to my baby girl. I can’t believe she is 5 now. I still call her my baby girl even though she always corrects me with, “Daddy, I’m a big girl!” *sighs*
I’d also like to wish my nephew, M, a happy birthday as well. 12 years ago today, my sis gave birth to him. He’s an athlete and a scholar. I am very proud to be his uncle.
Time flies.
…double hairstyling duty. I often struggle with this because, “Daddy! What are you doing?!? My hair looks crazy like that! You’re not doing it right!” Drama.
...there will ALWAYS be fashion issues. Simply getting up in the morning and getting dressed is never going to happen. Picking out clothes and shoes will always been an event. An epic one.
…everything is a competition. I am sure this happens with boys too, but with far less drama and tears.
…that at this age, everything has to be pink or purple. I swear it looks like some Oompa Loompas threw up in their closets. Pink and purple stuff everywhere.
…that one day they will be dating. I’m not sure how I will handle this. Extensive background checks and the purchase of a sniper rifle might remedy this. Look out boys. I still have my jungle and desert cami’s from my military days. And they still fit…well.
…that one day they may eventually get married. This means I will have to flip the bill for two weddings. Retirement? What the hell is that?
… double the amount of love and kisses I get from them.
Having two daughters is not so bad after all.
Sometimes it takes a real kick in the ass to put things about life into perspective. Over the past year, life was seriously kicking my ass, but some how I managed to keep going and not give up. Those experiences have left me deeply humbled. Here are a few things that I have learned and most of them I will continue to live by.
1. Money CAN contribute to happiness. And what I mean by happiness is being able to afford a decent roof over my kids’ heads, having good food on the table and having a safe place for them to play, feel comfortable and be happy. Money is needed for these things, therefore money is a factor in the equation of happiness.
2. Unless I win a multi-million dollar lottery, I will never be financially wealthy. But come to think of it, I am wealthy. I have a wealth of family and friends that I can turn to for emotional support. And most importantly, I have two beautiful little girls that provide me with a wealth of laughter, joy and diva drama. Therefore, I AM wealthy.
3. I DON’T need a BMW, a 4,000 sq. foot house, and a vacation home in Lake Tahoe. My Ford truck and small house will suffice.
4. You CAN live on the bare minimum. Minimal usage of electricity, gas and other consumables. I’ve made $5 stretch an entire week. It was tough, but I did it.
5. Work is…. work. I have finally realized that I am one of few people that actually enjoy what they do for a living. Granted, I’ll never get rich from being a graphic designer, but how cool is it to get paid to make things pretty?
Like I said, life changing events can make a person “wake up and smell the coffee” as they say. The events in my life have made me, and will continue to make me, better, stronger, and faster.
Things are in perspective now. I am focused. *fists on waist as cape blows in the wind*
Stay tuned…
I just wanted to give a special thanks to all of my friends that have supported me, laughed at me and with me for the last few rough months. You guys are awesome and I am grateful for being in the company of such cool people.
My special thanks goes to (in no particular order):
Thanks again everyone for being super friends.
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