dad unmasked

It’s amazing. As I write this, my “father” is STILL calling and texting me. For what? Money. At this point I don’t even answer or respond anymore. It’s not even worth it. No matter how many times I tell him that I can no longer send him money, he still calls and begs. For awhile, I was sending him money once a month, but now that I am divorced and trying to survive on my own I cannot. He will never understand that. Why? Because he is a knucklehead. Wait. Let’s rewind 25 + years to see how all of this came to be.

My “father” was at one point, a very talented hair stylist with a a very prosperous business in NY and then in FL. He was such a good hair stylist that his clients ignored him when he berated them. I used to sit in a chair at the salon and watch. Let’s not even get into me being the guinea pig for the Jheri Curl. Hence, my current bald head.

Before this, at some point, he married a beautiful woman (my mom) and had 2 kids. BUT that wasn’t good enough. Business was good, but he needed MORE money. From the age of 4 to 12, the only memories I have with my “father” is working in the salon or with his greyhound kennel raising venture. By the time I was 12, my “father” got into trouble with the law for trying to make “big money.” BTW, my “father” is Jamaican and was a naturalized citizen. I think. His citizenship was revoked and he was to be deported. No need to get into those details because they are blurry to me anyway. Again, this was 25 + years ago.

Anyway, my parents soon divorced and my mom remarried. I went to live with her and her new husband. He was cool and actually paid attention to me and he had cable. This was the 80’s. Cable was hot. Skinimax. Enough said.

Over the years, I had little contact with my “father” other than him calling me to see if I had money to help him out with his salon’s light bill or rent or various other things.  I sent what I could, but once I went into the military, we really lost touch. I was very busy working, partying and defending my country and partying some more. Trying to find my own way into manhood. Not long after my eating sand in the desert days, my mom divorced for a second time. Awesome. BTW, my “father” was supposed to be deported by now, but he dodged the bullet once again. This is around 1991.

Fast forward to 1997. I graduate from college (on my own dime. My “father” fucked up my college money years ago with his legal expenses.) I landed my first design job 3 months before I graduate and my “father” has the nerve to attend my graduation and ask me, “So boy, how much money you making now?” My response? “Enough to take care of myself.” I wanted to say “Fuck you.” But I felt obligated by blood to say otherwise.

Fast forward to 2001. I get married and by 2005, I have 2 beautiful little girls. Between 1997 and 2005, I had very little contact with my “father” other than sending him money because he was always in “dire straits.”

Suddenly it’s 2008 and I find out that my “father” gets deported back to his home country for his “transgressions” 25+ years ago. Homeland Security is a bitch. I am not upset nor angered but somewhat relieved. Maybe he would leave me alone with the money requests. But wait. Hell no. Prepaid cell phones. He has one and he uses it like a lethal weapon. The endless calls and texting are mind numbing. He calls to ask about my kids but then it turns to “I am sick and dying and need money.” Sadly, he cannot even remember their names. He met my now 5 year old when she was 10 months old for like 5 minutes and had to leave for “business.” Both of my kids have no clue who he is.

So just today, he texts me once again for the 6th time this week, to ask me for money. At the end of the text, he says, I love you. WHAAAATTTT???????? He has NEVER EVER told me that he loved me in all of my 41 years. I respond via text that I can’t afford to send him any cash now. His text response back was: “If I had a choice, I would never ask your dead ass for anything, if I could help it!” Thanks “Dad.”

So with that, my Happy Father’s Day message to my “father” is, “Happy Father’s Day, thanks for teaching me to be the type of Dad NOT to be.”

Peace be with you old man. I’ll be busy trying to be the father you never were.

…there was a young Jedi. The Force was strong in him back in the day.

My 5 yo came home today and surprised me with this song. After all of these years, I never knew of the Florida Alphabet song. Please note. There is no video, just audio. The end got cut off because the producer messed up (me) and the singer was tired after the 5th take. Turn up the volume and enjoy.

The Florida Alphabet

I got tagged by @ezmomm, the author of OH FOR PETE’S SAKE!, to complete a 25 questions meme. I’ll make an attempt to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Here goes.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. Debra Messing

2. Where was your first kiss? Behind a racquetball court. She was a little HOTTIE like @MiniMaura! I didn’t sleep for 3 days and still managed to get an A on a Calculus exam.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? In basic training, some the guys and I put another troop’s mattress in the shower. Is that serious enough?

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? No way, no how.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Does a drunken karaoke rendition of “Tainted Love” count?

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? 1. The eyes. 2. The personality. 3. The booty. The order changes from time to time.

7. What really turns you off? Ignorance

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Nothing because I’m too cheap.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Probably posting 25 random things about me.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Nope. No issues in that department.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I love beer.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? A stripper once told me that I looked like Martin Lawrence. I got a 2 for 1 lap dance that night.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? Oh yes. ALL comic book movies including live action and animated. I’ve taken a liking to the Wolverine and the X-Men animated series.

14. Did you have braces? No.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yes. But my man Prince is not.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? I received a deep sea sport fishing trip for my birthday once. That doesn’t sound too romantic but I heart fishing.

17. When do you know it’s love? When she understands me without me having to say a word and when I can’t sleep thinking about her.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Nope. Wait. Does Klingon count? jIH muSHa’ [beer]

19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? Hahaha!

20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes. I have been to funerals and bachelor parties in a limo. Wait, should both of those things be used in the same sentence?

21. What’s something that really annoys you? When people refuse to troubleshoot a problem.

22. What’s something you really like? Beer

23. Can you dance? I think I can, but some might say otherwise.

24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No

25. Tag 5 people. Apologies in advance, but I tag, @mjjaaska, @JNez, @LiLAsha, @TheRealBecks and @themommytsunami.

I got up this morning ready to eat some breakfast and head to the Apple store for a new IMac. Then I got to thinking, do I REALLY need a new machine right now? Do I really need to spend $1300 on a new Mac and another $600 on software? My MacBook Pro is running just fine. All I need to do is jam another gig of RAM in it and she’ll run even better. First of all, there are lots of things that I actually need, like a dining table, dresser and a new front door.  Secondly, the washing machine sounds like it’s about to take a dump, so I’ll probably have to get a replacement soon. And thirdly, the Christmas season is right around the corner and my daughters have already started their pricey Santa wish lists.

Anyway, the most important thing is realizing then a new IMac is a WANT and not a NEED. When my daughters ask for some crazy toy or gadget, I always ask them if they NEED that toy or do they WANT that toy. It’s always a want. So with that, I guess I have to suck it up and practice what I preach.

Who knows, Santa might even hook me up with a new Mac if I’m good. Well, maybe not.

So I have been debating on getting a new Mac to add to my geek inventory. My MBP is working just fine for me, but the small 17″ screen is starting to become bothersome. I have developed a list of pros and cons on purchasing a new IMac. Hopefully, I’ll come to a decision after developing this list.

Pros:

1. The new IMac would provide me with a huge 24″ screen which is a necessity when working on design projects.
2. More RAM and more speed. I really need this with all of the Adobe apps.
3. I’d gain an extra machine if the MBP fails.
4. The girls could watch movies on the new IMac since we are down to 1 DVD player in the house.
5. The IMac would basically pay for itself after a few design projects.
6. The IMac is a beautiful machine and would brighten up any room.

Cons:

1. I absolutely HATE putting things on a credit card.

What do you think?

I read an article today about a girl that lost her father during the WTC attacks. She was 7 at the time. The same age as my oldest daughter. I was very moved by the article and yes, I shed a tear. It saddened me to think that one day my little girls could be without me and would have to endure what this girl has. But not only did I shed a tear for her, I also shed one for all of the victims of the 9/11 attacks and for their families and friends.

May peace be with them.

We had a great time on our Labor Day weekend trip. Here’s a quick recap.

Day One: I promptly got up at 2:30 am to make coffee and shower. I quickly loaded up the van and at 3:15 am I went to wake the girls. I was expecting a lot of griping and whining but they were so excited about the trip that they jumped right up and were ready to leave in no time. We were out the door in no time to pick up my mom and sister.

We hit the road at 4 am. By this time the girls were sleeping again and I was behind the wheel strung out on 6 cups of java. After a few stops and surprisingly very little drama from my mama and little mamas, we arrived at our destination at 3:30 p.m. We unloaded the van and headed up to the hotel room. We instantly ran into some younger cousins. That’s when the girls and other little cousins went crazy screaming and running around like maniacs leading me to head straight to my cooler.

Day Two: I never sleep well on the first night at a hotel, so I was awake at around 4:30 am. As I was lying there facing the other bed that the girls were in, I see the covers slowly moving. I froze thinking, “Please stay, please stay, I want this bed to myself!” Suddenly “KATHUNK”. My youngest, rolled out of the bed and onto the floor. She landed on her bottom and didn’t even wake up. I put back her in the bed and she slept for another  4 hours.

This day was my other daughter’s 7th birthday, so we planned the day around it. After a quick trip to breakfast and a store we were off to the pool for a little party and cake.

Later that evening the “adults” planned a night out on the town. We ended up downtown which was kind of lame. Little bars with little action.

Day Three: This was the day of our family reunion. There was an estimated 500-600 people at the event. Apparently, our family has been multiplying like rabbits over the past 7 years. There was tons of food and lots of people that I had no idea who they were. The girls played on the water slides and went in the ice cold pool while I enjoyed an ice cold brew or two.

That evening we grabbed a small bite to eat and the girls bathed and crashed by 8:30. With cooler in tow, my cool cuz and I went outside the hotel to hang out. We laughed about old times for at least 4 hours.

Day Four: Time for church. I hadn’t been in years so I was surprised that they let even me in. The sermon was long and the girls were pretty antsy 2 hours into it. Then the most awkward part of the entire trip happened. A cousin of mine that didn’t attend the reunion the day before, decides to use the pulpit to vent her anger with the family. Talk about embarrassing. I respect the church so that kept me from tackling her and putting her in a headlock. Someone finally stood up and whispered something in her ear. I hope it was “Sit your paranoid a** down!”

After church, we stopped by another cousin’s house where we went 4-wheeling in the woods. The air was crisp and cool. It was beautiful day out in the rolling hills.

Day Five: We got up fairly early and headed back home. My mom wanted to stop by the South of the Border to pick up something for a friend of hers. Sure why not. I always wanted to stop when I was a kid, but we never did. Now I know. That place was an absolute dump.

All in all the trip was a success. Very little drama and lots of good times.