dad unmasked

I find it fascinating to see the various similarities between my kids yet there are clearly many differences. I decided to ask them 5 questions just to see how truly different they were. Each of my daughter’s went to a “sound proof” booth as to not influence each other’s answers.

Q: What’s your favorite color and why?
S (7 years old): Purple. Because it’s kind of close to pink which used to be my favorite color.
N (4 years old): My favorite color is orange because I like oranges.

Q: If you were a superhero what would your powers be?
S: I could fly and see through walls and stuff.
N : Like Storm and I could fly and be pretty.

Q: If Santa were to bring you just one gift this Christmas, what would you want it to be?
S: A laptop! Duh!
N: It would be a baby doll that could eat and could drink and poop and pee and talk to me.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
S: A teacher because it’s fun and you get to teach kids and decorate your classroom.
N: A doctor because I want to give people shots and check their hearts and that’s all.

Q: What’s your favorite thing about Daddy?
S: When you take us on fun trips and buy us cool stuff and say funny things.
N: I love him and he gives me lots of hugs and kisses when he goes to work.

Bonus Question: Who just farted?
S: Ewwwww Daddy! Was that you or Buddha (the dog)?
N: I think it was my bed because I was just jumping on it.

Happy Holidays!

The other night my girls, S and N, asked me a question about King Kong and as N calls him, Hulk Smash. They had recently watched the animated versions of both movies and the following conversation has been on my mind for quite some time.

N: “Daddy, could Hulk Smash beat King Kong?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

N: “But King Kong beat up those dinosaurs! Rawr! Rawr!” (beats chest like Kong)

S: “And he saved that lady and smashed those boats!”

Me: “Can King Kong leap over canyons and smash tanks?”

S: “Um, no.”

Me: “There you go, Hulk Smash would win!”

That was the daddy explanation. Here’s a more in depth one. And no, I didn’t share this with my kids.

First, let me point out a few similarities between the two big guys.

1. They’re both loners. Kong sits around on Skull Island all alone waiting for the locals to throw him a few bananas or an occasional “virgin.” The Hulk, aka Bruce Banner, is a fugitive on the run searching for a cure for his condition. Every once in a while, he’ll hook up with a little hottie named Betty which further complicates everything. It also doesn’t help the situation that her dad is the biggest insecure dick ever. Anyway, the Hulk is a loner.
2. They are both complete softies when it comes to the opposite sex and they get EXTREMELY pissed off when someone f**ks with their women. These guys bleed testosterone.
3. They are both bound to leave a trail of destruction wherever they go. Someone or something will piss them off and s**t WILL be broken.

Now here is why Kong would lose the battle. First of all, the Hulk’s strength is far superior than that of Kong’s. Sure the ape ripped the tongue out a T-Rex and swatted down a couple of planes, but the Hulk’s strength is unlimited. The angrier he gets, the stronger he gets. Secondly, the Hulk has accelerated healing. Stab him in the gut and he’ll heal immediately. The dude can’t die. Kong, on the other hand, took a few bullets, fell from a building and bought the farm. And lastly, the ape isn’t very bright. Come on. He confused a building with a mountain. Need I say more?