dad unmasked

…double hairstyling duty. I often struggle with this because, “Daddy! What are you doing?!? My hair looks crazy like that! You’re not doing it right!” Drama.

...there will ALWAYS be fashion issues. Simply getting up in the morning and getting dressed is never going to happen. Picking out clothes and shoes will always been an event. An epic one.

…everything is a competition. I am sure this happens with boys too, but with far less drama and tears.

…that at this age, everything has to be pink or purple. I swear it looks like some Oompa Loompas threw up in their closets. Pink and purple stuff everywhere.

…that one day they will be dating. I’m not sure how I will handle this. Extensive background checks and the purchase of a sniper rifle might remedy this. Look out boys. I still have my jungle and desert cami’s from my military days. And they still fit…well.

…that one day they may eventually get married. This means I will have to flip the bill for two weddings. Retirement? What the hell is that?

… double the amount of love and kisses I get from them.

Having two daughters is not so bad after all.

Sometimes it takes a real kick in the ass to put things about life into perspective. Over the past year, life was seriously kicking my ass, but some how I managed to keep going and not give up. Those experiences have left me deeply humbled. Here are a few things that I have learned and most of them I will continue to live by.

1. Money CAN contribute to happiness. And what I mean by happiness is being able to afford a decent roof over my kids’ heads, having good food on the table and having a safe place for them to play, feel comfortable and be happy. Money is needed for these things, therefore money is a factor in the equation of happiness.

2. Unless I win a multi-million dollar lottery, I will never be financially wealthy. But come to think of it, I am wealthy. I have a wealth of family and friends that I can turn to for emotional support. And most importantly, I have two beautiful little girls that provide me with a wealth of laughter, joy and diva drama. Therefore, I AM wealthy.

3. I DON’T need a BMW, a 4,000 sq. foot house, and a vacation home in Lake Tahoe. My Ford truck and small house will suffice.

4. You CAN live on the bare minimum. Minimal usage of electricity, gas and other consumables. I’ve made $5 stretch an entire week. It was tough, but I did it.

5.  Work is…. work. I have finally realized that I am one of few people that actually enjoy what they do for a living. Granted, I’ll never get rich from being a graphic designer, but how cool is it to get paid to make things pretty?

Like I said, life changing events can make a person “wake up and smell the coffee” as they say. The events in my life have made me, and will continue to make me, better, stronger, and faster.

Things are in perspective now. I am focused. *fists on waist as cape blows in the wind*

Stay tuned…

I had a Q&A session with the girls a few weeks ago. Today, they wanted to ask me a few questions. Here they are.

Q: What is your favorite movie?
A: That’s tough. I have so many favorite movies. Bad Boys 1 & 2, Star Wars, Mission Impossible, Black Hawk Down, Iron Man…the list is endless.
4 yo: Why are the boys bad and what are Star Warts?

Q: Do you think Daisy Scouts are cool?
A: I guess it’s pretty cool since you like it so much!
7 yo: Yay! And you get to take me to a meeting tomorrow! Great.

Q: What is your favorite animal?
A:  The Black Panther because they are sleek, black and can kick butt if you mess with them.
4 yo: Daddy, they don’t have butts that have tails! Whatever.

Q: Do you think you’re old?
A: I say no, but my driver’s license might say otherwise.
4 yo: Daddy, you ARE old because you have grey hairs and your knee hurts.

Q: Do you like Buddha (the dog)?
A: Sometimes but not when he farts, snores and steals my remote.
7 yo: Daddy!!

Q: Do you like your work?
A: Yes, but I need more of it. Like se…whoops! Never mind.
4 yo: I like your work too, but not when you have to take me to school and then I miss you!

My daughter, S and N never seem to get used to our morning routine. It’s never drama free, but we manage to get out of the door on time every morning. Here’s a typical morning at the DadUnmasked lair.

5:15 am: The alarm clock clock goes off. After slapping the snooze button 3 or 4 times, I turn over to see that once again, S and N have infiltrated my bed in the middle of the night. Nothing new there. I grab my robe and head to the kitchen to start the coffee. While the coffee is brewing, I stumble around trying to figure out what day it is. I almost always have to check the calendar. I know, I’m getting old.

After grabbing that first cup of joe, I wander the house looking for my glasses and eye phone. I also start up the laptop to check cnn, twitter, facebook, emails, etc., By now, the dog is ready to be let out. I grab a second cup of coffee and try to slip in any work I might have on the side.

6:30 am: The girls are still asleep while I shower and shave.

6:55 am: I grab my third cup of coffee and check Twitter again.

7:00 am: The fun begins. The girls whine and moan non stop. “I don’t want to get up!” “I’m tired!” “Leave me alone!”

7:10 am: After several warnings, the girls are up, grumbling and moaning, while brushing their teeth.

7:15 am: The girls are wide awake and are ready to get dressed. S, who is 7, carefully picks out her outfit being sure everything matches.

7:20 am: I attempt to help N, who is 4, pick out an outfit for school. The response is always, “Daddy, I can dress myself!” Not wanting any more drama, I leave the room.

7:30 am: I prepare S’s lunch and get them breakfast. I check Twitter again.

7:35 am: N runs out of her room. She always says, “Look Daddy! I dressed myself! Do I look pretty?” My response, “Of course sweetie, you are ALWAYS pretty to me.”

I find it fascinating to see the various similarities between my kids yet there are clearly many differences. I decided to ask them 5 questions just to see how truly different they were. Each of my daughter’s went to a “sound proof” booth as to not influence each other’s answers.

Q: What’s your favorite color and why?
S (7 years old): Purple. Because it’s kind of close to pink which used to be my favorite color.
N (4 years old): My favorite color is orange because I like oranges.

Q: If you were a superhero what would your powers be?
S: I could fly and see through walls and stuff.
N : Like Storm and I could fly and be pretty.

Q: If Santa were to bring you just one gift this Christmas, what would you want it to be?
S: A laptop! Duh!
N: It would be a baby doll that could eat and could drink and poop and pee and talk to me.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
S: A teacher because it’s fun and you get to teach kids and decorate your classroom.
N: A doctor because I want to give people shots and check their hearts and that’s all.

Q: What’s your favorite thing about Daddy?
S: When you take us on fun trips and buy us cool stuff and say funny things.
N: I love him and he gives me lots of hugs and kisses when he goes to work.

Bonus Question: Who just farted?
S: Ewwwww Daddy! Was that you or Buddha (the dog)?
N: I think it was my bed because I was just jumping on it.

Happy Holidays!

My girls, S and N have been revising their Santa wish lists for at least 8 months now. Every time they see a new toy in a magazine or hear an insane commercial, something gets added or taken away from list. Last night, we found the “Official Santa Wish List” note pad and decided to finalize them once and for all.

N’s Wish List (the 4 year old)

1. “A baby doll that can talk, poop and pee.” Lovely.
2. A new scooter “because mine is old and busted!” It works just fine.
3. A new bike “because mine is a poopy baby diaper bike and it’s too small!” It is rather small but I’m not sure about the poopy diaper thing. ????
4. Matzi Girls – I have now idea what that is but it sounds expensive.
5. A laptop “because sissy wants one!” Figures.
6. Clothes “because I’m a fashion girl!” Make that drama girl.
7. Books “but not a lot of books because I already have a lot books.” Tell me something new.
8. A Christmas gift card to Target because “I love Target!”

S’s Wish List (the 7 year old)

1. A laptop “so I can play games and email my cousins.” I don’t think she’ll be getting an email address anytime soon. But we’ll see about the laptop.
2. Zhu Zhu Pets “because they are SO cute!” And they’re hard to find and expensive. Wait. Do they poop and pee?
3. New DS games “because I can’t find the other $372 worth of DS games that I lost.” Fail.
4. Littlest Pet Shop toys. So she can lose all of them like the rest.
5. EZ Bake Oven. Because there’s nothing like baking a cake with a 40W light bulb.
6. A guitar learning book “so I can learn to play the one I got last year.” Dust collector.
7. Barbie Doll’d Up Nails B-Nails Digital Nail Printer $180??? Ummm…no.

So that’s it. The lists are FINAL. I think.

Happy Holidays.

My daughter, S, has been asking for a laptop for quite some time. I keep telling her to either save her money or try to wait for Christmas and maybe Santa will bring her one. As you can see from the note above, S is quite the charmer.

Is it a love note or bribery or both?